Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
