Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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