the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
