is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
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