there's paper in my vomit.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
