I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
