New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
