You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
