Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
