rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
