Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
