So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
