I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
