my mouth tastes like poor choices
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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