This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
