Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
