you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
