I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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