Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
