I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
