haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
