3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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