I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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