I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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