So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
