We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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