I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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