My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
