I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm like, not good at living.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
