How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
