i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
