winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
