Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
