how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize