He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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