ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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