You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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