true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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