I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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