Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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