Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
