She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
