i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
