all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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