my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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