never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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