Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
