Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you win again, gameday.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
