drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
