Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
