Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize