if only i could text you this smell
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
