There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize