I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Couch. On fire.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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