he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
