I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
