Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
