someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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