Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
