I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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