Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
