His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
