Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dick very happy bro
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
