i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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