You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
