the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
