I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
