I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
