I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
