I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
