Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
