it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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